Couples and Money. Yeah, Sometimes We Fight

October 18, 2012 § Leave a comment

Biggest arguments between couples are on the subjects of sex and money. Since I don’t counsel about s-e-x let’s talk about the typical differences between couples over money and ways to work things out well.

The first point is in general, who’s the spender? When we fall in love, we often choose someone who has characteristics different from ours. These differences appear, when we feel happy together, lovely. When we have disagreements, those same characteristics can be wicked annoying. In spending, if one partner believes the bank account is their personal account, if they make big ticket expenditures without consulting their partner, that action can be a serious source of conflict. Especially if it occurs regularly. Actions without joint agreement can feel like serious disrespect. Mature love manages personal impulsiveness and remembers commitments made to one another.

This conflict may be driven by your joint vision. Do you share enough personal conversation with each other to have a united vision of your lives together? Are you on the same path concerning your values? If one of you works part-time, or stays home full-time, have you worked out all that this loving sacrifice implies? As you discuss roles in the household, deal with money and all the busyness of life do you each remember how much you love each other?  Do you put the present problem in the framework of your entire life together?

Back to some financial nitty-gritty what’s up with your budget? Sometimes overspending happens because there is no family budget. So, one partner who may like shopping, shops. As a saver, the other partner is peeved. With a budget, it’s a bit easier to know how much each person has for the week – or the month, or on a daily basis- to use for fun and life’s necessities.

What if you can’t work out the difficult issues alone? If you don’t reach a balanced perspective with each other on your own, please get help. Conflict is normal. Learning the tools to manage your differences is an ongoing growth experience. At various stages of life, there are new hurdles. Your issue could be a simple one to resolve if you can get past some behaviors and hurt feelings. Then again, it might be that one partner is attempting to salve deeper problems by insisting on having their own way. Getting help from a great counselor may be just the ticket for you.

Ongoing solutions for couples may involve always having separate checking accounts for agreed-upon personal funds. My husband thinks shoes are only needed once in three years. Ah, no. And you may never agree on particular spending items. Thus,  it might be better to simply keep to a budget but have your own account.

Money arguments are very common in couples. It is one of the top two reasons couple argue. If this is happening at your house, you are not alone!




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